Oatmeal
by Rapid P. Saiko
Summary: WARNING: DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING WHILE READING THIS FANFIC! Rated M just to be safe! KaixTyson two-shot, maybe more.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade.**

 **WARNING: Do not drink anything while reading this fanfic!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kai knew there was something wrong when Tyson, his long-time boyfriend, came home and went straight to the washroom. For the first 10 minutes he sat on the couch and resumed his reading, but when he heard an "Ow!" followed by a series of grunts and groans, concern settled in. He went to the washroom and politely knocked on the door. "Tyson, is everything ok?". At once the grunts ceased.

"Y-yeah! Everything is ok Kai!"

Shrugging, Kai went back to his spot on the sofa. After half an hour passed however, the Russian was deeply worried. He went and knocked on the bathroom door again. "Tyson, are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah! I'll be out in a few minutes!" came the reply.

Once more Kai returned to the sofa, but an hour later, he simply couldn't wait around any longer. He returned to the washroom. "Tyson...what's wrong?" his voice was encased in a loving tenderness that was reserved only for the Japanese male.

After a few moments, he heard a sigh through the bathroom door. "Promise not to laugh?"

"Tyson, this _is_ me we're talking about."

Another heavy sigh. "Kai...I'm full of shit."

The Russian raised an eyebrow. "...In what way?"

"I think something is too big to fit through my asshole."

Kai's eyes began to water as he tried to stifle his laughter. "What?"

"This massive turd is stuck up my ass."

Tears ran down Kai's face as he desperately tried to keep his giggles to himself, his arms grasping his sides.

"Kai?"

The dual-haired man tried to compose himself. "Yes?"

"I think I need help."

"Gimme a sec." Kai went upstairs into their bedroom and smothered his face into a pillow as he released the laughter that had bubbled up inside him. Once he was done, he went to their medicine cabinet. He knew that one day the bluenette's bad eating habits would do him in (despite his best efforts). He found the laxatives way in the back and poured a glass of water. He returned to the bathroom. "Tyson I have meds."

The bathroom door opened a crack and a tanned hand appeared. Kai gave the proper dosage of meds to the hand and the water. "Thank-you."

"We get you back on the healthy food diet from now on?"  
"Can I put sugar in my oatmeal?"

"Idiot. I always put sugar in your oatmeal."

"...Oh."

There was silence.

"Kai?"

"Hn."

"My butt and legs are numb, I can't get up."

Kai had to bite his bottom lip to keep from laughing. He stepped into the bathroom, and there was Tyson, sitting on the porcelain throne with his pants around his ankles. Poor boy was as red as a tomato and was looking up at him shyly with those big chocolate orbs. Kai couldn't lie, as awkward as this was, there was something adorable about it. He leaned forward and the Japanese man wrapped his arms around his neck and he picked up the bluenette like one would pick up a toddler and carried him to the couch. He positioned them so that Tyson was laid down on top of him.

Tyson buried his face into the older's chest, wanting nothing more than to just disappear. Kai noticed this and lifted his chin with two fingers. "Hey. I love you."

"Still?"

"Always." He placed a tender kiss on the boy's forehead and turned on the TV. Gently, he rubbed Tyson's lower back as they started a Harry Potter Marathon. Half-way through the fourth movie, Tyson suddenly bolted up and made a bee-line straight for the bathroom. Kai was helpless as his laughter took hold of him.

 **A/N-** In my defence, I was drinking alcoholic ice cream and let's just say something very similar to this happened to me today. I've been laughing for hours.

Please leave a review if it made your giggle. If you want to flame me, go right ahead. I eat flames for breakfast.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

So this was supposed to be a one-shot fic and well...inspiration for the second chapter hit and now I type this while being pretty freaking tipsy ( I swear to God, I'm not an alcoholic!). Dedicated to all those who have had similar issues...

WARNING! DO NOT EAT, DRINK NOR HAVE ANYTHING IN YOUR MOUTH WHILE READING THIS! This is also considerably more graphic than the last chapter...

* * *

While Tyson's bad eating habits got him clogged up, Kai had the exact opposite problem. Between all the oatmeal and other fibre-rich food products, combined with the nectar of the Gods – coffee, once in awhile there would be a day where is stomach would do a back flip and the Russian would be rushing to the nearest washroom.

On this particular day, the great deities of the universe decided to be especially cruel to the dual-haired man, as he had been sitting in a board meeting when nature called. As he raced to the lavatory, he felt a wetness escape his tightly clenched asshole as he ran down the hallway.

When he finally reached the washroom and relieved himself, he checked the damage, grimacing when he saw a large brown skid-mark in his black boxers.

Fucking. Lovely.

Cursing his 4th cup of coffee to the depths of hell, he carefully slid off his boxers and hid them in the toilet's water tank. His heart sped up when he realized there went his only line of defence for keeping his dress pants clean - and he still had the rest of the meeting to sit through.

This was so not his day.

When he was sure everything was out of his system, he reached for the toilet paper, cerise eyes widening when his fingers were only met with rough cardboard.

What was he supposed to do now?!

Did he dare risk his reputation and shimmy over to the next stall with his pants around his ankles, in a desperate attempted that it would have the paper he needed? Did he wipe it with his hand?! He really wish he hadn't ditched his boxers now.

He cradled his head in his hands. He needed a plan and fast! He thought and thought, but the only solution his panicked brain could come up with was: Tyson. He bit his lip and slowly pulled out his cellphone and prayed that his personal assistant wouldn't laugh too hard his predicament. /You busy?/

/Not really, why? What's up?/

Kai's body trembled as he typed out his next statement. /I'm stuck in the bathroom on the 5th floor./

The was a pause. /Stuck?! Did you lock yourself in there?/

/No. I'm not stupid Kinomiya./

/Did you fall in?/

/Just get our ass down here!/

/Fine. I'm coming, I'm coming. Jeez./ Kai could feel the eye roll from here.

Roughly 10 minutes later, Kai heard Tyson's concerned voice, "Kai? Woah- Jesus Christ! It smells like someone shat out a Christmas tree in here!"

"Just get in here and lock the door Kinomiya!"

Hearing the "click" of the latch sliding into place, Kai relaxed slightly.

"Ok coast is clear! What's up?"

Kai sighed. Good-bye dignity. "Can you grab me a roll of toilet paper from one of the other stalls?"

He heard Tyson stifle a laugh. "Are you serious Kai?"

"Dead serious."

"Ok." he heard a variety of sounds before Tyson started laughing. "You're never going to believe this - NONE of the stalls have toilet paper."

"Arg! I swear to God I'm going to fire that maintenance team!"

"Chill out. Can't you just use your underwear?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"...I shit my pants."

Tyson couldn't help the laughter that erupted from his throat. "You didn't!"

"Shut-up!" But the bluenette only laughed harder.

Once he finally composing himself he said. "Ok, I'll track down a roll of toilet paper, hang on a sec."

Kai heard the bathroom door close and he waited. And waited. And waited. About 45 minutes later, just when he was starting to think his boyfriend had fallen into a toilet somewhere, he received a text.

/Um, so bad news...apparently the maintenance team put a laxative into your coffee this morning, have taken all the toilet paper in the building and are refusing to let me leave until you meet their demands./

Kai stared at the screen flabbergasted. /Really?! You let yourself be taken hostage by _janitors_?!/

/Dude, these guys are built like Spencer and Crusher...nothing but muscle. Now are you going to be a good boyfriend and rescue me or not?/

Kai sighed. This was _so_ not his day. /What are their demands?/

/They want all to be paid $10,000/month, get month-long vacations and chocolates on their desk every Friday. I'm pretty sure they're serious Kai./

Could he just shoot himself now? How did he get reduced to being confined in a bathroom stall by a bunch of mop-heads? Though all things considered...their plan was brilliant. To take him down at his most vulnerable. /Ask them if they want promotions instead. A hundred grand per year, 3 month vacations and a chance to put their minds to use?/

There was several moments of silence before his screen lit up again. /They said deal. They're letting me go and I'm bringing a roll over to you./ Several moments later Tyson came into the washroom and handed him a roll underneath the bathroom door. Kai finished his business and washed his hands.

Tyson wisely didn't say a word.

The next day his strategic team ended up with 8 new agents.

* * *

Alright, hope you all enjoyed that! Leave a review and I'll see about making another chapter. If you have any ideas, please message me!


End file.
